When people talk about their children, there's a sparkle in their eyes, a lift in their steps and a smile at the corner of their mouths. As Baby M approaches the 4 month mark, here's writing down what I wished someone told me about motherhood.
1. It's a lonely journey.
I have friends who have children. In fact, my closest girlfriends all have kids. But somehow when you are awake at 3am in the morning, it just seem like it would be rude to start whatsapping them. There would be worries, and I am not the kind of person to bug others at every small little thing. So you keep your worries to yourself and google like your life depended on it and end up scaring yourself silly.
2. You CAN over-google.
Google is my best friend. It still is, though now I've learned to take everything it says with a pinch of salt. Baby M's front fontanelle was a little sunken in. Concerned, I asked Google. It replied that baby was probably dehydrated which scared me shitless but ended up baby is quite well-hydrated and it is perhaps somewhat normal for the fontanelle to be a little sunken in (and pulsing).
3. It's scary.
Before Baby M came out I rehearsed in my mind and thought it didn't sound all that difficult. After all, there are billions of mothers in the world, how hard can it be? The truth is, when you are faced with a shrieking, wriggling, red-faced angry baby, it can be frigging scary. You start wondering what you are doing wrong, is the baby having a fever, is he in pain, does he hate me etc.
It's worse if you have an unsupportive other half who doesn't help much.
4. It's damn bloody tiring.
Spending the entire day entertaining a baby is no joke. There are only so many things I can think of to talk about, there are only so many stories and songs I can read and sing. Not to mention the night feeds. An 8-hour sleep is a thing of the past. If you're reading this and have not yet given birth, my best advice to you is: SLEEP. You'll miss it.
Of course, motherhood is not all bad. In fact, it is extremely lovely. I just wished I was better prepared mentally and emotionally. The good definitely outweighs the bad and you will catch yourself falling so in love with your little one that you don't know what hit you.
Just keep reminding yourself that things will keep getting better. The days when baby is cranky and you are exhausted, just tell yourself that "this too shall pass". Like my friend told me: Eventually, no matter how cranky, upset they are, they eventually fall asleep.
So yeah, hang in there. Oh and don't beat yourself up if you can't breastfeed due to low supply like me. It doesn't make me or you less of a mother. According to my friend who breastfed her three children: breastfeeding is bullshit and over-rated.
Motherhood has a super steep learning curve so give yourself a break and don't be too hard and harsh on yourself. No one is perfect but we're all on a learning journey. Oh and it's quite normal if your wriggly baby slips into the water in the tub during bath time. And don't worry about that mouthful of water he swallowed, unless you put A LOT of soap into the water, otherwise chances are he's gonna be just fine. :)0
