Surreal

I'm not sure whether it has sunk in totally that you have really gone away for good this time. In this lifetime, I will never be able to carry you and complain how fat and heavy you are. I will never be able to say "mum mum" and watch you lift your head up and perk your ears up. I will never be able to say "mummy where?" and see you looking at me quizzically. I will never be able to tempt you with the jar of cuttlefish and see you plant your whole head into the jar because you are blind and can't tell the cuttlefish isn't inside anymore.

I will never be able to disturb you when I am bored in my room. I will never be able to hear your snore or fart or watch you licking your paws vigorously. I will never be able to stand by the side and watch you drink water for more than a minute and roll my eyes at how long you're taking. I will never be able to see you hump your bolster and disturb you by snatching your bolster away from you. I will never say "kiss" and feel your warm tongue giving me a giant lick on my cheek. I will never be able to feel you licking me non-stop just for the fun of it. I will never open my bedroom door and see you lying outside, waiting to come in. I will never hear you bark again, in that thick, loud, indignant way of yours.

It just hasn't sunk in yet. In my mind, your absence is temporary and one day, I will be able to carry you in my arms again. I still wish for a hug, a kiss, an innocent look. Come back, P, come back. We miss you so much. You left a gap in the family that no one can fill. All of us walks around the house, goes about our work feeling like our heart's missing, or a limb's missing. We love you so so much. Are you happy now? Can you come into our dreams once in a while and let us know how you're doing?